Hi. My name is Steve Fox. I’m an actor probably best known for my role as Thing™ in the popular TV series, The New Addams Family. That show was a terrific break for me and opened a lot of doors – which was, ironically, one thing I was able to do myself. I still get recognised from time to time and asked to sign autographs – which, again, is something I can do, although I’ve had to teach myself to do it right handed, being a natural “leftie.”
In many ways, that job was perfect for someone of my particular physicality. A role like that, for a guy like me, comes along once in a lifetime. I believe both John Hamm and Zachary Quinto tried out for the role. Better luck next time, boys! Seriously though, they’re both doing well, so everyone’s a winner.
But the execs at ABC said that, as soon as I walked into the room, they knew I had what it took to portray “Thing”™ – or, as they said, “I didn’t have what it took not to portray him.”
I had a terrific time playing Thing™ and heck, I miss having that crazy guy rattling around in my brain but, when the show ended, I found it hard to adjust to being plain old Steve Fox. Hollywood has a gosh darned pesky little thing called “typecasting” and, had I known that, after that show, producers and viewers alike would only be able to see me as that guy, I might have thought twice about ever tapping out the words “get me that audition” on my agent’s hand.
Body fascism is rife in Hollywood. You’d be surprised how many times I hear I’m “not quite right” for “guy piloting plane” or “angry customer at dry-cleaner’s” or “Chandler.”
Sure, I still get the occasional acting job. Here I am in Hamlet with David Tennant…
Incidentally, the other actor in that photo is Andre Tchaikowsky. Now he’s someone else who you might think has a pretty limited range, but his ability to transform is sensational; there’s nobody Andre can’t play – at least nobody without muscles or skin. He’s a true inspiration.
…But work is thin on the ground, believe me. And since a lot of my work is on the ground, this lack of opportunities has left me pretty depressed over the last few years. I’m finding it hard to even get out of bed in the morning and I don’t know how much more I can take. But recently, someone showed me this…
That’s right, medical science has advanced to the stage where they can transplant a donor body onto my wrist.
It sounds a little creepy, I know, but the donor’s family would have given their full consent and I don’t have to know who the body belonged to. Sure it’ll take some getting used to; it’s going to feel strange walking around with some stranger’s body grafted onto me, BUT…
…it’ll give me a whole new start. The lack of acting work has really started to make me question why I’m even doing this and my confidence is on the floor. As am I.
By way of showing you what’s possible, take my friend, Ken Michaeldave. Ken is a terrific actor. Here he is, working with Bruce Campbell in Evil Dead 2.
Ken volunteered for one of the first ever full body-transplant procedures and here he is now…
As you can see from the ring, Ken is married and, while it’s true to say that it’s taken a while, Ken’s wife, Ann, has grown accustomed to, and finally accepted Ken’s new body. They’ve no idea who the body belongs to, but whoever he is, Ken and Ann hope his family knows how grateful they are.
And now, here’s the kicker. This procedure may be a lot of things, but cheap ‘aint one of them. Once a suitable donor comes along, we’re looking at around one-point-seven-million dollars! I’ve saved what I can and I’ve got $1,106 sitting in a bank account.
Personal appearances at fan conventions would help but ABC won’t let me use the name Thing™ which means I have to tell the fans who I am and which character I played, which, believe me, is embarrassing – just ask anyone from Babylon 5.
Please, please help me. I’m at my wits’ end. Acting is all I know; it’s why I spent three years at the Actors’ Studio in New York; it’s why I waited tables in crummy restaurants holding out for that big break. I beg of you, let me pursue my dream. Thank you from the bottom of my… well, anyway, thank you.